NC-17
Hello Hell-A
Xander looked up from his reading when Cordelia came in, looking very unhappy. "What's going on?"
"Angel's back and Wes is saying it's time to go home."
"When do they need you?"
"Probably within a few days. Why?"
"I could go out there and shop."
"You could," she agreed, "but wouldn't Greg mind?"
"Greg's been busy." He sat up and she blushed and turned away. "What? I'm wearing underwear."
"A thong does not count, Xander." She did peek and saw him smirking at her. "Fine, it's a nice little sex toy but it's still tinier than some things."
"Yeah, but not too many guys can say they earned 11 million profit in six weeks by selling their asses," he said dryly. She gaped and he smirked. "I was finding myself."
"So I heard." She shook her head quickly. "How were you thinking about getting me out there?"
"Did they want to get the plane tickets?"
"Wes said Angel was going to if I wasn't back when he was. Then again, Wes said hi."
Xander grinned. "We could go show them what you did down here." She gave him a horrified look. "What?"
"My poor city. You used to like LA."
"Yeah but then Angel moved there."
She burst out laughing. "You're joking, right?" He slowly shook his head. "Please say you're joking?" She heard the door slam. "Someone come back me up here? Please?" Eric came in. "He wants to go back to LA with me for a few days to show them what we did here."
Eric looked at her, then at Xander, seeing the naughty look on his face. "Well...." He considered it. "It'd be a good vacation. I mean, he hasn't seen any of your mutual friends out there in a while, right?" Xander shook his head with a grin that usually made Ryan start to pray while he sharpened his sword. "Then I think it'd be a great idea for Xander to go visit his friends out there." Cordy gave him the most evil look ever. He shrugged. "He could use a vacation. He could even stop in to see Jace on the way back for a day or so."
"From what! He doesn't do anything!"
"Meany," Xander pouted. "There's some GHS out there I can go talk to and Greg wanted to take some allergy samples plus some other herbal samples. He can do that out there. After all, LA is the capitol of the cranks who use herbs club."
She blinked. "That's still mean to my city, Xander! You used to like LA!"
"Yeah but then I saw New York and New York's better," he said happily. "And Miami's prettier. Less fake parts, barely but still less."
She whimpered. "Eric, please!"
"Cordy, it'll be all right. Maybe he'll give you one last day of spoiling out there." She gave him another murderous look and he backed away again. "I still think it'll do him good."
"See?" Xander said proudly. He went to pack a small bag, including money and loose jewels, then he came back out. "Come on, Cordy, go pack. We'll go tonight since they need you so much."
"What about Greg?"
"I'll bring him back samples of anything he wants."
"No, Xander," Eric said firmly. "You know the rules. You do not go alone anywhere. Especially places that have demons."
"But I'll be fine and I put my sword in the bag."
Eric looked at the bag then at him. "I want your promise, on your soul, that you'll be good. No teasing the demons or anything!"
"Yes, Eric," he sighed, giving him a hug and a kiss, stunning his mind. By the time Eric woke up, they were gone to pack up Cordy's stuff. He got them onto the next flight to LA once they made it to the airport and headed out that way, landing about ten that night. He sighed and smiled, grinning at her. "Hotel for me or can I have your couch?"
"My neighbors are all old women, Xander. Go find a hotel so you can pack it full of stuff to send to Greg for his herbalism tests." Xander beamed and caught an airport shuttle, dragging her with him. "I have an apartment."
"You heard Eric." She moaned. "Just for tonight and tomorrow? Then I'll drop you off?"
"Only if you promise you're heading back here right after you drop me off!" she demanded. He beamed and got them onto an airport shuttle for downtown, letting it take them down there. It was cheaper than a cab and much more comfortable, plus it played music this time of night since it was only them and the driver. He got them checked in easily enough and led her upstairs by the wrist, making the receptionist smile and wave at the cuteness since he had said she was his bodyguard and pseudo-mommy. He got her settled in on her bed then went to find a paper and a shopping guide so he could figure out where he was going the next day.
***
Danny walked in and paused, then panicked. "Where's Xander!" he called as he headed for the office.
"I don't know, call the others," Don called, heading into the bedroom. The dogs were on the bed. That wasn't really a great sign since the corvette was still there. "Damn it, there's clothes missing!"
Danny leaned in. "I called Ryan first and he asked Eric since they're at home. Eric said he allowed Xander to escort Cordelia back to LA." Don winced and shuddered. "Alone."
"So, Ryan's swearing prayers at Ares and Strife?"
"Um, yeah. Loudly." He walked in and hugged him. "It'll be okay. He can't really destroy LA. Angel would stop him."
"This is the same guy who used ta date Buffy?"
"Well...."
"The vampire guy, right?"
"Never mind," he sighed, calling Xander's cellphone but getting his voicemail. "Yup, he switched it. They're heading to LA so he can drop Cordy off and pick up stuff for Greg." Greg came in looking confused. "He's dropping Cordy off and picking you up stuff?"
"He is?"
"Uh-huh. Good ta know. He is."
"Okay. I'm doing a general test on most herbal stuff and he knows that." He sat down on the foot of the bed and took off his sneakers, allowing them to hug him. "It'll be okay. Remember, Xander grew up near LA."
"True. He did. Plus he knows that Angel guy." They all shared a look and shuddered. At least Cordelia was there....
***
Xander squealed in delight when he walked into the upscale shop, making Cordelia shake her head. "You'd think you didn't have places like this in Miami that you visit monthly," she complained. The saleswoman gave her an odd look. "He's GHS."
"Ah. We've heard rumors about their sort." She went to help him find whatever soft and cuddly things he wanted, and then the wardrobe he was apparently buying his friend, which made her smile. She did work on commission. And he was paying cash. She waved and smiled as they walked out together, putting the bags in the trunk of a rental car. Then she drug him off to get something to eat from a fast food vendor. Apparently he needed food quickly and she wasn't going to be too picky this time.
Cordelia got Xander back into the car with only three more stops after a snack, making him take her back to her apartment. Then to the Hyperion, where the rest of the gang was. Because she needed backup. She realized that now. She walked in shaking her head.
"Cordelia!" Gunn shouted, giving her a hug and a grin. "You're back?"
"I am and I brought Xander for a very short vacation type thing, so I need help. Wes!" she called pitifully. He came out of the kitchen giving her a look. "Xander's in the car."
"Oh, good. I haven't seen him in ages," he said happily, going to get the boy. "Xander!" He got out and hugged him and Wesley noticed the difference. "My dear boy. How have you been?"
"Very good since my second road trip," he said happily, beaming at him. "I'm a member of GHS and all that good stuff." Wesley blushed. "Is she still complaining about me?"
"Probably. Gunn's a bit...harsh now and then. He's had an underclass upbringing much closer to your original one. You two might get along rather well though. So, what are you doing out here?"
"Oh, Greggy's doing herbal studies for the GHS research panel and Cordy needed to be dropped off so I brought her," he said, following him inside. He nodded politely at the other guy. "Hi, I'm Xander. I used to date that woman."
Gunn smirked. "You're a stronger man than I am."
"Yes I am, as my three boyfriends prove," he agreed happily, shaking his hand. Gunn looked stunned.
"Oh, please, let's not start on the sex stuff?" Cordy pleaded. "Can't you go a *day*?"
"Well, if he is a member of GHS that might be impossible," Wesley explained.
She gave him a look. "I had to listen to him go off four times last night, Wes, plus I got to see up close and personal how he pounced his boyfriends. Plural, thank you, because he's got three, and then three helpers who sub in when they're exhausted." She smiled sweetly at Xander since Wes was blushing. "Now, we're going to calm down so I can rest, right? Nap time?"
"I'm not tired and I have to go herb shopping for Greggy."
"Go later."
"The good shop closes at five." He pouted at her and watched her cave with a moan of complaint. "I promise I'll be a good boy."
"You haven't been a good boy since you met Buffy," she complained.
"Yes I was." He pouted worse and she felt miserable. Like clubbing herself in the head miserable. "I'll be extra specially good."
"If it was dark, we could send Angel with you," Gunn offered. "What sort of herbs were you looking for? Mojo herbs or just general herbs?"
"Actually I should probably get him both. He's doing herb and allergy studies for the GHS research panel." He beamed. "My Greggy's brilliant."
"I'm sure he is," he agreed.
"He's a former CSI."
"Then I'm very sure he is," Gunn agreed. Wesley smiled. "You might be able to talk Wes into going with you. He hasn't been out recently."
"Guys, I spent over a year in New York. I can handle LA by myself. Really. I'll be fine. I promise I won't be kidnaped, Cordy. I'll be a good Xander."
"A good Xander is still an evil boy who makes good boys like Horatio and Frank need naps," she countered. "Even ones they had to call off work for!"
"I'm not. I haven't been *evil* in months," he said with a sweet smile that made her shudder. "Not since you had to take on that cop who was trying to stop you from beating that guy who tried to grope you."
"Point," she sighed. "Can't you wait? I'm shopped out."
"I can do it."
"I'm under orders from Horatio and Speed, plus your three, plus Ryan, not to let you out alone, Xander. You might enslave LA and then we'd have to deal with the law firm for hell about you."
"They can't have me either," he said happily, smiling and hugging Wes, then Gunn, then dancing out.
"Chase him! Chase him now!" she ordered, pointing. The guys went after him. She flopped down on a couch and covered her face with her arm. It was too much work watching Xander. Give her an apocalypse any day! They came back in, having lost the boy. She glared at them and they backed off. "He's a level ten GHS, boys. He can enslave the city and that stupid law firm." Wesley moaned and went to the office to start calling people to watch out for Xander for them while Gunn followed to ask what a GHS was. He came out blushing as bright as his dark skin would let him. Including onto his bald head. "Exactly. I spent the last few months watching over Xander. Keeping him from being kidnaped. Keeping him from shopping himself poor. All that good stuff. For my vacation!"
"What did he pay you?" Gunn asked.
"About twenty grand in new clothes and shoes, plus three more gift certificates." He gave her an odd look. "I had to try to fix it. You saw his hair!"
"I did, and I'm sure plenty of people like his hair for many reasons. Not that I'd know about that stuff." He walked off, going up to his room to hide for a bit. Before he had more thoughts he didn't want.
Cordelia stayed limp on the couch. She'd call Miami if there was a problem. If not, Don or Danny would be checking on him soon and would yell that he was alone. She fell asleep right there dreaming about Xander taking over LA and becoming the Princess of LA. The guys in West Hollywood would bow down to him now that she had fixed his wardrobe issues again.
***
Angel walked into the bar that he had been called to, getting pointed at a back room. He walked that way, nodding at the demon in there. "What's wrong? Another rampaging higher elemental?"
"No. A GHS member who pouts." He pointed at the boy frozen in the corner. "It was mean of you to sic him on that law firm, Angel. Too mean for a supposed warrior of the light." He stared him down and Angel shrugged. "You didn't?"
Angel looked again. "Harris?"
"Yes, him!" He stomped a foot. "He nearly enslaved the entire demon bazaar! Control him!" He stomped out after freeing Xander.
Xander shook his head. "Deadboy!" he said cheerfully. He looked around. "Where's my stuff! Greggy needs that!"
"It was sent to the office," someone called from the other room. "Please, Angel!"
"Xander, what are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm a level ten GHS. I'm being happy and normal, Angel. What are you doing?"
"Apparently I'm taking you back to the Hyperion."
"I have a hotel room and a rental car. I really do need to find the rental car. It's got other stuff for Greggy."
"We can do that," he agreed, walking him out, quickly since a few of them looked like they wanted to pounce. "What is wrong with you? Who cast the attraction spell this time?" He wasn't about to admit it was hitting him as well, even though he felt the intense need to stroke his fingers through Xander's hair and show him how to put it up to befit his future childe. Xander could replace Dru and Spike both. He'd be a favored childe very quickly as long as he took to his lessons.
"With what I am combined with where I was born, I attract demons and humans, Angel. That's all part of being me." He grinned and headed for Angel's car. "This one still?"
"Yes," he ground out, following him. He would be getting some straight answers. Even if he had to beat the boy this time. He got them back to the hotel and inside, letting him pounce Cordelia and babble at her. "Now, I would like some answers."
Cordelia looked at him. Then she shrugged. "GHS, or members of the GHS society, have a pheromone and hormone condition that sends theirs out of control," she said. "Or so I was taught by the nice cops down in Miami who watch over Xander and his attraction problem. Since Xander was born on the hellmouth he attracts demons and humans. What did he do this time so I can report it?"
"All I was doing was squealing over some new herbs I know Greggy hasn't seen before," he pouted.
"Where?" she asked.
"The demon bazaar Willow used to send me to for magic stuff. Oooh, and I got a new book too," he said proudly. "On the portal stuff."
"Congrats." She spanked him. "Be a better boy, Xander, before I have to wake Horatio up."
"Ow," he pouted, rubbing his ass. "I was being good! I didn't hormone anyone on purpose. It was those stupid lawyers. They came up and demanded I come with them. Even when I told them no. Even when I killed two who were vampires. Even when I snubbed another one and had my current suitor come down to make him go away." He pouted. "I tried."
"I know you did," she sighed, going back to cuddling him. "Please tell me you're not backlogging already?"
"Nope. I'm a good boy."
"I'm glad you think so." Angel gave her a furious look. "Go ask Wes. He explained it to Gunn earlier." He stomped that way and came out very pale a few minutes later. Then he went upstairs shaking his had. "Did they send Xander's stuff, Wes?"
"They did, Cordelia. As well as his rental car. They're all together out in the parking area," Wes called from the office. "Xander?" He came in, looking at him. "Good boy. Go back to your hotel room and have phone sex with your boyfriends," he said, smiling at him. "Tell them about the law firm just in case but it shouldn't be too much of a problem since you're leaving soon." Xander nodded, bouncing out to go do that. He put his head down, shaking it. Cordelia came in, clearing her throat. "He needs to wear it out again."
"I'm not sleeping with him, Wesley, and all the others are on the other coast."
"Then we'll have to do what we can. When is he going back?"
"He didn't buy a return ticket yet."
"That's fine. He should nearly be done with his shopping. Hopefully."
She stared at him. "He drug me to Armani and another suit place six times in one week trying to decide on Don and Danny's birthday presents," she said blandly. "That's all he does in Miami. That and spoil the crime lab staff with lunches and things." She turned and stomped off again, going back to her nap. Just that little exposure to Xander had worn her out again. "You can come out of hiding, he's gone," she bellowed. Gunn and Angel both came out of hiding and went to talk to Wes about what they could do to protect the city and Angel from Xander. Because if he whammied Wolfram and Hart that badly, he could do some serious damage to Angel.
***
Xander snuck into the demon bar, finding a demon he kind of knew waiting on him. "Hi. I promise I'm peaceful."
"That's not what I heard."
"No, that was me needing to wear things out."
"Exsqueeze me?" The Host asked. "Explanations needed, bright boy."
"I'm Xander. Buffy's former friend Xander." That got a slow nod. "And a level ten GHS."
"Oh, holy mother of music," he moaned. "You're attuned to demons?"
"Not totally. Apparently I was for a little while. I was on a road trip to find myself and I let myself work at a demon brothel."
"I heard, kiddo. I heard." He clapped him on the shoulder. "You shouldn't be in here. You're still broadcasting or however. It's going to get back to the wrong people, Xander."
"It probably already has. There's some skanky lawyer who keeps calling my room. I heard this was a haven of safety and I wanted safety."
"You can't go to Angel?"
"I hate Angel. I want to stake Angel. I want to beat his ass first and then stake him multiple times until I hit it perfectly." The Host gaped. "Sorry but I'm not so sure he didn't help Buffy and Willow try me in New York and then again in Miami."
"I don't know one way or another, Xander. Come on, I've got a private room for the more harmful demons." He walked him that way, glaring at a few who tried to touch him. "He's here for sanctuary from lawyers." He walked him into the special room and sat him down, patting him on the head. "Do you drink?"
"Hardly ever."
"Wine?"
"S'good. Or Kruth. I had some of that one of the times someone had me. It tasted like cherry seven-up." That got a smile and he went to get some for him, handing him a twenty when he came back. "I know the stuff's expensive."
"Not that much."
"Yes it is. I tried to buy some in Miami."
"We have a more direct source out here. We'd have to ship it there."
"It was still over two grand for a tiny bottle."
"Point." He took it anyway and went back to listening to people sing to see who he needed to intervene in the future for. Plus he set a bouncer on the doorway up there just in case the boy started to broadcast or whatever again. He saw one of the law firm's people come in and glared at him. "This is a safe place for all."
"I'm one of the all," he said smartly. "Is Mr. Harris here?"
"He wished not to be disturbed."
"I don't wish to disturb him." He walked around him and headed for the private room. He also ignored some growls. He found the boy and a few higher elemental demons in there, nodding politely. "May I speak with the human?"
"No," they agreed.
"You foul our air. Out, mortal," one sneered.
"Our boy is not for you," another agreed, glaring at him. "The Metharn who adopted him would be *most* upset." The lawyer backed up at that.
Xander looked at him. "I thought we worked that out."
"You did but he doesn't want such scum near you."
"Neither do I. Please leave me alone. You and all the people at that law firm. I don't need a law firm at my feet," he said patiently.
"Could you use a lawyer?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Very." He sneered at him. "I know several lawyers if I need advice, not that it often happens, and if I *truly* needed more help than that, I could charm some into being my willing love slaves who'd work for kisses. I *certainly* do not want a law firm with such a tainted reputation representing me in anything. After all, I've heard of you. From Angel and other sources. It says something when even the DPP hates you." The lawyer blanched at that. "Now, you're fouling their air. Leave." The lawyer turned and ran. "Hey, I didn't even have to pull my sword. I'm impressed." They all stared at him. He moved his pants to show the markings on his hip. "I can do that now." They all moaned. He grinned. "Be thankful Ryan's not with me. He would've growled and pounced at the first no." He sipped his drink. "You guys know I'm taken, right?" They all nodded. He beamed. "Thank you."
"Do you get many suitors?" the one who had mentioned his family asked. Xander sighed and nodded. "Why?"
Xander held out his wrist. "Sniff, I took care of it earlier." He sniffed him then moaned. "I'm from Sunnydale." That got a lot more moans. "But I'm a good boy now and my harem is very strong and protective of me. Even if one of them did say I could be out here without too much guarding. Usually they'd send Ryan, who's a high priest of Ares, with me." He finished his drink and put the glass aside, listening to the music. "Ah, Karoake. The sounds of chaos. I've almost missed chaos."
"You cause chaos," one of them noted dryly. "I've seen your suitors."
"Really? Are they okay?"
"No, a few weren't. That monsoon demon was most upset."
"I told him no repeatedly. When he castrated me I had no alternative but to fight back."
"True," he agreed dryly. "Will we see you some year soon on the demon High Council?"
"I'm not demonic, I'm immortal. Big difference." They all gaped in horror and awe. He beamed and nodded. "Shocked the hell outta me too," he said proudly. "But it does explain a few things."
That got some shudders and one whimper from the one who had mentioned his family. He beamed at the host when he came in. "They thought I was demonic."
"I thought you were part one of the sex demons too." Xander shook his head. "You're sure?"
"Tested numerous times, Lorne." He beamed. "Fully human, just immie." Lorne whimpered. "So I'll be GHS for a very long time."
Lorne sighed and looked at one. "Doesn't your kind have magical means of screening him from being seen?"
"Yes, and one is using it on the IRS on his behalf."
"Which is causing hell and havoc in my life," Xander quipped. "Please let me kick her ass?"
"I'll talk to her punisher, see if he'll allow it." He reached over to sniff the boy's braid. It was enough to make him moan and get off. "Oh, no wonder!"
"And I'm still fully human," he said happily. "As a matter of fact, I used to date Cordelia, Angel's helper." He smiled at The Host. "Are there more lawyers coming?"
"I hope not. I hate it when they get eaten." He patted the boy on the head. "You should be in bed by now. Beauty sleep and all that."
"I'm not tired. I can't sleep alone anymore."
He stroked over the bound braid. "Tough, kiddo. Time for beddie byes." Xander sighed and got up, hugging him and whispering in his ear. "I knew that but it's safer if you go now while he's reporting."
"I'll have your adoptive father ward your room, Xander. Go rest," the one demon offered. Xander nodded and headed to do that. He called, growling something into his cellphone, then hung up. "He'll be protected and guarded by the family. Plus that problem with the IRS not seeing him will be fixed eventually." The Host snickered. "She made it so his social security number wouldn't take in the system, which would harm his bank funds." That got a moan from everyone. "Which means he'd have to sell some of the things he was given by his suitors, which would encourage more."
"Which would start another round of suicidal young males who wanted him and his harem," The Host finished, getting a nod. "How big is his harem?"
"Him, his three direct boyfriends, Cordelia is one of his occasional ones, a helper instead of a lover. He has two occasional male lovers who are also helpers and a female. Two advisors who are a mated pair. One of his occasional ones just got given a princess and her entourage, and a priestess of Athena recently was taken under his protection. Plus a few others that advise him frequently." That got some smiles. "Then again, the boy wears marks to Ares, Cupid, and Strife."
"He truly is one of Cupid's Burdens," another demon agreed heavily. He nudged the one who had gotten off at the sniff of his hair. "Was it good?"
"I can understand why that monsoon demon shamed his whole family to get him. If I had the wealth to try to conquer him, I would gladly do the same. Thankfully I'm too poor to enter into that madness so I must leave myself with quarth demons instead." That got some happy nods, they liked their sex demons. "Was he the one who worked for Devi?" The Host nodded. "Why?"
"He said he was finding himself on a road trip," he said blandly. "Then Devi screwed him over from what I heard. No pun intended." They all smirked at that. "Truly. I heard he tried to use him as a sacrifice to someone wanting a tribute."
"I heard the same," the one demon connected with Xander's adopted one offered. "He paid for it when Xander fixed it." That got some smirks. "He is truly gifted with his sword. He has learned some sort of dances like the quarth demons do. They include swordwork and he is very good from what I've heard. They say his harem has a hard time with restraint when he dances for them." That got some smirks. "I would see it but I doubt he'd do it in front of us."
"That's why there's scrying spells," a demon in the corner said wisely. They all perked up at that and went to see if they could scry the past and see him dancing. The pools in the back for that got heavily used that night. As did the quarth demons in the crowd and at the nearby demon brothel.
***
Horatio was called back to the reception desk and looked at the stack of fax she handed over. "What's this?"
"It's from Cordelia. I'm not sure. It's a summary on a law firm and if those page numbers are correct, we're going to need a few cases of paper, Lieutenant."
"Let me call her." He called out to LA. "Cordelia," he said patiently. "How many pages are you faxing us and why are you faxing them?" He listened to her babbling about the law firm and how that page number was the full file, she was only sending the summary section, twenty-three pages. "Why are you sending it to us?" Her answer of 'they want Xander and they're evil' didn't cheer up his day any. "You couldn't email it?" He shook his head at the 'wesley did something so I can't'. "Fine. She said there'll be twenty-three pages total, Melinda. Cordelia, call us back in about an hour and a half so we can conference in on this subject, all right?" He hung up and took the rest once they quit spitting out, taking them to look over in his office. Why did a law firm want Xander? Frank leaned in. "Cordelia sent information on a law firm."
"Why? They want the kid?"
"Yes."
Frank moaned. "I was just teasing, Horatio," he complained.
"Apparently they're demonic and very powerful forces against the sight of light," he said, looking at him. "And they've now fixated on Xander being theirs."
"Probably as a weapon," he agreed dryly. "And?"
"She sent the summary. The full information file is over sixteen hundred pages long. Melinda was worried about how long this fax was going to be."
"I'd be too!" He came in to look it over, blinking at some things. "You weren't kidding!"
"My sense of humor is much more dry than that, Frank. Of course I wasn't." Frank glared at him. He smiled. Frank snorted and shook his head, going back to reading. "I told her to call back in about an hour so she could brief us on this law firm before they became annoying."
"Too late," Frank said dryly, handing over a page he had skimmed twice. "They tried ta take the boy, Horatio. They're fond of him." He handed the rest back and walked out. "Let me know when she calls."
"I can do that." He went back to reading. Then he got a bright idea. He called Ray Kowalski's boyfriend Adam. "Adam, Horatio. What do you know about Wolfram and Hart and why would they want Xander?" The swearing, or so he assumed since it was in a language he had never heard before, was very high pitched and cranky sounding. "The usual reasons or something more spectacular?" He weathered another swearing bout. "She'll be calling to brief us in an hour, Adam, get here." He hung up on quieter swearing in a different language. At least he had put his multiple centuries to good use learning other languages.
***
Xander woke up to a sign hanging next to his bed. //Go to Vegas, Xander.//
"Why?" he called quietly. "I'm being good."
//Go to Vegas,// it flashed brighter.
"Right now?"
//Yes, right now,// it said.
"Like right now right now? Or do I have time to shower and stuff?"
//Like get in the car and drive to Vegas. You can shower when you show up. Go now.//
"Why?"
//Two words, Sparky: Law Firm.//
"Oh, them. But they're looking for innocence and I can't be that innocent anymore. I can even prove it. I can send one of my former clients to them to prove it. I was going to finish my shopping and go back tomorrow."
The handwriting changed, becoming more effeminate and scrollish. //Get dressed and get into the car, Xander. Now.//
"Yes, Lord Ares," he sighed. "I just wanted to know why." He got up and got dressed, using magic to braid his hair, then he packed everything in his endless bag and headed down to check out and then drive to Las Vegas. He looked up once he had the car started. "You know, someone's going to yell that I'm driving that far by myself. Especially without a weapon. What if the aliens come down and want to eat me?"
The sign appeared next to him. //They're not carnivorous and you'd enjoy the anal probes, Xander. Go. Now.//
"Yes, Lord Cupid." He backed out of his spot and headed out, with a stop through somewhere for food and coffee. It was a long drive. He turned on the radio. "What about Greggy's friends? I can put everything into the bag and head out on a flight."
//They'd bring it down,// the sign flashed.
"Oh. Okay." He shrugged and sped up once he hit the interstate. "Should I still send my former client there to make sure they know I'm not that pure?"
//Could help,// the sign flashed in Strife's handwriting. //Which one?// Xander imagined very hard and the sign burst into flames and giggles.
Xander used the rest of the weak coffee to put it out then dropped it out the window. He was normally against littering but he didn't want to light the car on fire either. He didn't want to pay for the car. Besides, it could damage the bottomless bag he had.
***
The demon appeared in Angel's bedroom, looking at him. "I love that boy."
"Which one?" he moaned, sitting up to look at him. "How did you get in here?"
"Easily. You're still a vampire." He smirked. "Xander, who else? Don't you love him?"
"No. I don't," he said flatly. "What errand are you running for him now?"
"Oh, I just destroyed Wolfram and Hart's ideas about using him as a source of innocence," he said with a bright, happy grin. "Didn't get either treat I wanted but he did promise to dance later so I could scry and capture it." He faded out, heading back to his home plane.
Angel put his head down, then he sat up. "Dance?" he asked, looking bemused. "What dance? Cordelia? Dancing Xander?"
"Oh, God, the mental sex images," she moaned from up the hall. "I don't need the images, please!"
Angel laid back down, frowning now. That did not answer his questions.
***
Xander walked into Jace's resort and smiled at the guy behind the desk. "The boss in?"
"She's in her office, Xander."
"Thanks." He headed that way, leaning in. "Hey, dear. The big guys in leather sent me."
"Why this time?"
"Apparently the bad guy law firm is after me even though I'm not the innocent they think I am. I got the floating sign treatment to get here from LA."
"That's fine, Xander. We have some open rooms."
He grinned. "Can I borrow somewhere to practice my dancing and swordwork?"
"Dancing?" she asked, blinking at him. "Like that stuff you showed me the once?"
"Yeah, that. It's got sword fighting and self defense built in."
"Think you could teach it?"
"Only some of the higher GHS have been able to do it. Well, except for Greg, he can and he's only a level four, but I need to practice some of the harder and more energetic things. The last time I did it at home the neighbors tried to invade."
"I've got a nice few rooms we use for yoga and things. You can borrow one," she promised with a smile. "What were you doing in LA?"
"Eric said I could drop off Cordy by myself," he said with a wicked grin. He cackled and went to check in, then empty the rest of the car's contents into the bag. Then he went to turn in the car rental, paying the penalty for having taken it out of the city. He took a cab back with his bag and headed up to change into the spandex pants he had found. He came bouncing down the stairs with his sword. He waved at Jace when he walked past her.
"Xander, been working out?"
He smirked at her. "Me?" He beamed and went into the room the clerk showed him into. He closed the door with a sweet smile and stretched out, feeling that someone was scrying him. The door opened and he blinked at the man standing there. "Who're you?"
"I'm David. Greg's friend from the station," he said blandly. "I heard you were in town."
"True. I am." He grinned. "I'm working out but you can call Greggy. He's got the house phone."
"He hasn't answered in two days."
"We gave him his own lab." That got an eye roll. "Sorry." He walked over to the outgoing phone, hitting the number to go out. Then he dialed Greg's phone, handing it over. "There you go." He beamed and danced off, starting off on one of the slower and more rhythmic sections to finish warming up.
David nearly dropped the phone. "What is he doing?" he moaned. He heard the voice laughing and growled at it. "Greg! Where are you?" He listened to his explanation of what Xander was doing and how, shaking his head. "So you're doing what in the labs?" He smiled. "Well, you could come home for a visit," he pointed out. "I mean, the others wouldn't mind." He pulled out his phone to capture video of it. "So, can you do that?" He gaped as Xander did ...something that made him bend backward while moving his stomach. "It looks like an alien's coming out." He listened and snorted. "Xander, he said to quit doing that in front of me. Do something from series three and the captivity series."
Xander shrugged. "Sure, but I'm going to do the more energetic stuff." He did something and ended up back on his feet by flipping backwards to catch his sword and go into that. He vaguely heard the groan and growl but kept going. Finally he heard the door shut and made sure the phone was hung up. Maybe Greg would let him have the tapes he had sent to him and Tony to teach them how to do the dances. He went back to it, getting a very good workout. He noticed when Jace came in. He also noticed when Ares lunged in with his own sword, blocking him with a wicked smirk. Back and forth, even though he was tired and sweaty. He ended up behind Ares a few times, resting against his back once to catch his breath. Then again, Ares was growling at him. He spanked him before moving and winked at Jace, blocking another blow and dancing off. He flashed the God of War, then backflipped away from one of the blows, then shimmied closer, drawing his attention to his stomach muscles. Then he stabbed at him, his sword ending up an inch from his chest hair. "Hi, Ares," he purred. "So, what do I get from you when I win? Since you probably don't want to play with my hair like Ryan."
Ares growled and moved closer, kissing him hard. "Tease."
"You bet." He winked and smiled. "But I'm being a good boy to my boys at home."
Ares smirked. "Is that why someone showed Angel what we were doing?" he asked smugly. He disappeared.
"Like I care?" he called. "He can moan at my stomach muscles too. He and Cordy can form a support group and everything." He kissed Jace. "I think he meant that one for you," he said to stop her pout. He pulled her out, showing her how to move. She moaned but went along with it, getting just as sweaty as he was. Cupid came down, looking very interested. Xander pulled Cupid over to show him and her, putting her between them. He finally stole her from him and left Xander to change and go out to the clubs. He ran into some people who believed they were hot and shrugged his way around them, heading out into the crowd to dance and party. He caught a few people staring but what did he care? He was young, pretty, happy, and modestly rich. He was having fun! One of the guys took his girl from him but he shrugged and went after someone else to dance with. He headed back to the resort a few hours later, giggling as he ran up to his room so he could grab his things and head back home. Surely Las Vegas had overnight flights to Miami.
***
Angel turned away from the scrying when the large man in leather appeared to take him on, moaning in mental agony.
Cordelia looked. "Hey, Ares is testing him again," she said dryly, shaking her head. "Get 'im, Xander, make him beg!" she called into the pool, even though he shouldn't be able to hear her. She shrugged at Gunn's dirty look and Wesley's amused ones. "If that's a sport, he's a gold medal winner. He deserves some cheerleading now and then."
Angel gave her a horrified look. "Are you feeling all right?"
"Perfectly content," she assured him with a mean grin. "Now you know why Princess Gay there has three boyfriends and others. Plus demons who're willing to commit suicide if he doesn't become theirs."
Gunn moaned at one move he did. "If I could move like that I'd never be without."
Wesley coughed. "I'm wondering where he learned it," he admitted, sounding like he was fascinated.
"Off realm somewhere. Ryan took him. He taught Greggy how to dance it and a few other GHS members but no one not one of them can apparently do them. Ooooh!" She smiled at them when they managed to glance at her. "He's been learning how to do what the quarth demons do for their dancing stuff. It's not as hot but together they're enough to send that one demon brothel he goes to learn at in Miami rockin' out on the hormone express." She strolled off.
Angel glanced again, watching as Xander ducked a blow and got in a few good ones of his own. "He's definitely not Buffy's tagalong."
"He wasn't before," Wesley said, scowling at him. "The boy had skills that you refused to see and refused to admit to, Angel. Or didn't he stand up to you?"
"He did," he agreed bitterly. He stomped off, not wanting this mental torture. Wasn't he being tortured enough! He looked up. "Why did I have to see this, Powers? Don't I have enough problems!"
"No, apparently not," Gunn called, getting back to the watching. Because it was *good*! Like if he had a girlfriend she'd be in danger of losing whatever she was wearing good. He felt Wesley move closer and looked at him. "Not going there tonight, Wes man."
"I wasn't going to suggest it, I was moving to get a better idea of what he's doing now." He continued to stare, studying the fighting. It was very moving.
Gunn shook his head, going to find the girl they had rescued. That'd take his mind off this stuff. Before he got stuck wanting the boy too. Hair and all. Because he'd end up picking on the hair like Cordelia did now and then if he didn't.
Angel came back once Wesley was gone, scrying the past dancing events. The boy was a torment that would make sure he'd never slip his soul again. Though, he had to say that his future childe would be a great benefit to the family. He slapped himself for that thought. He didn't make children anymore. He had sworn that off when he had become a good guy. He had the evil thought of making Spike watch it, but that would get Xander attacked by him in jealousy. Spike hated it when anyone was prettier than he was.
***
Jace woke up with a moan for the soreness she felt. "I'm going to kill him a few times. Anyone mind?"
"Yes. If he dies again that tumor grows and then we've got real problems," Cupid said, snuggling up to her shoulder. "Want a backrub?"
"If you do that you'll want more sex and I'm sore, dear," she said firmly, patting him on the cheek. "I know he makes you horny but I'm too sore to do more than watch you take Strife." He smirked and called Strife down, getting a pouty boyfriend. "You, take care of him. He's being horny after watching Xander."
"No wonder!" he complained, spanking Cupid. "You know you can't watch him dance! He gives you a surge!" He spanked him a few more times then made his clothes disappear and dove into Cupid's body, making him sorry for surging that way.
***
Xander dropped the bag at Greg's lab and headed out to the nightlife Miami had. It was still early morning but some of it had to be going on. He found an all-day rave and dove in, getting into the middle of the crowd.
Eric got the phone call from the bouncer and shook his head. "Is it starting an orgy? Then let him be happy. Yeah, after shift or if he's got a problem. Thanks, man." He hung up and went to find Don since he was just now coming in. "Xander's back. He's off at a 24- hour rave." Don moaned. "He's having fun. Leave him alone."
"He could get taken again."
"I doubt it. He's surrounded by goth kids at the moment. He'll be fine. Tell Greg he's back so he can find his samples." He went off, going back to work. He walked past Danny. "He's back. He's playing at an all day rave."
"Why?"
"He hasn't been out and happy in public in a while?"
"Point. As long as he's fine," he decided. "Let me know if we have ta rescue him." Horatio came out of his office. "What's up, bossman?"
"There's a new person who wants your Xander."
"Really? Already? He just got back."
Horatio gave him a look. "Not amused, Danny."
"He's at an all-day rave, H," Eric said with a small grin. "Getting happy on the dance floor."
Horatio shook his head. "There's a law firm that wants to use him as a sacrifice," he said patiently. He paged the others and walked those two back to his office to talk to them about it before they called Cordelia. The others trickled in and got the fax Cordelia had sent, not making anyone happy.
Calleigh raised a hand. "We have a branch down here. I've dealt with one of their people in the past," she announced. "Slimebucket. Total slime bucket." She handed it on to Frank, who passed it to Don.
"Do we have any idea how they're going to come after him?" Danny asked, taking them when Don was finished his scanning. He read a bit deeper. He also sneered. "Run into them in New York in the past. Wanna give this to Mac, watch his face turn purple? It's a fun game." He handed it on to Eric, who gave him an odd look. "It is. Last time he dealt with them he nearly went stripped. Purple and red."
Stella walked in looking amused. "What's going on, guys? Meeting about a case?"
"Wolfram and Hart want Xander," Danny said with an evil smirk.
She raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell Mac, Danny. I don't want to watch him have a heart attack today." She looked at Horatio, who gave her a small shrug. "He's serious?" Horatio nodded. "Oh, crap! And I thought Donna ending up down here on a crossover case was unamusing today." She handed the file to Horatio. "Can you switch Lindsey and someone so she quits sniping?"
"No," Eric said. "If I have to work with the woman, I'll have nightmares." Ryan trudged in. "You're late."
"My car's engine got shot, Eric, I'm allowed to be a bit late when someone takes a shotgun to the highway." Eric and the others stared at him. "Yes, the new sniper hit me." He looked at the amassed people. "What did Xander do this time?"
"Wolfram and Hart are after him."
"Huh. Are they the sleezeballs that got the rapist off?" Calleigh nodded. "They want him for what?"
"Sacrifice."
"Charming." Ryan took the forms to look over, nodding slowly, then he handed them to Stella. "We're sticking him where?"
"Right now he's surrounded by goth kids at a rave," Eric told him.
"That might be the safest place for him. They'll hiss at the lawyers." He called Cordelia on the desk phone. "Any idea what sort of sacrifice they need him for?"
"They were going to use him as a sacrifice of innocence but their senior panel now wants to use him as an enticement to bring in new business and as a reward for their better clients who do things for them."
"Uh-huh," Ryan said flatly. "Anything in particular we should know?"
"They're not above magic, kidnaping, and doing bad things to destroy the world."
"That's your thing."
"I can send Angel down," she offered cheerfully.
"Not funny, Cordelia!" a male voice called. "He's already nearly fixated!"
"Sorry, Gunn!" She giggled a bit. "Angel was wandering around when we came in this morning talking to himself about the benefits of making a new childe out of Xander and how he'd be good enough to replace Spike and Dru." She sounded like she was smiling. "I'm thinking he's going to run into a reality issue in a few hours. Xander would stake him before being turned. That's the sort of guy he is."
"Cordelia, we can't be turned," Danny pointed out.
"Even better. I'll tell him that." She was definitely smiling now. "Just worry about the slimeball lawyers or have Xander talk to his new admirer and see if he can stomp on them a bit. He's on the High Demonic Council." She hung up.
"Really?" Ryan said, looking amused. "Anyone seen him yet?" No one said anything. "Me either. Or any presents. So at least this one is subtle so far." He shrugged. "Let me know what my part in the plan is, guys. Now, what's up for the rest of the day?"
"Baltimore sent down Donna on a crossover and Mac said to switch Lindsey out for the case," Stella offered.
Ryan looked at her. "I'd shave her. By force. And sing hymns to Ares at every single stroke because it'd dull my sword." He looked totally serious.
"Lindsey suggested Xander could do that with his katana." She smiled at Horatio. "Can you spare us a tech?"
He nodded and looked at them. "Eric, you managed not to get stuck in that mental image."
"No I didn't!"
"You did, Eric. You even managed not to say something," Calleigh said with a smile. "Thanks, dear." She patted him on the back. "I'll work on our joint case and keep you informed." They got up and headed back to work, considering the implications of what they now knew about who wanted Xander this time.
Eric moaned but let Stella lead him out with fake sympathy for that assignment. Because *no one* wanted to work with Hirsute Woman. When he got there, the outfit was worse than what she had interviewed in. It was going to make him gag soon. He gave Mac a look, getting an understanding one back. "Horatio said you needed to borrow me?"
"We do," Mac agreed. "How was the morning briefing?"
"We found out Xander's new suitor is on the High Council among their kind." Mac groaned at that. "And a law firm wants him. Wolfram and Hart?" Mac did indeed turn a pretty shade of purple at that name. He took a picture with his phone and sent it to Danny, grinning at him. "They wanted him as a sacrifice of innocence at first, Mac."
"Go away, Eric."
"You don't need me?"
"No, I do, but not that mental image."
"They've gotten down to him being a reward now for their better clients."
"Even worse, Eric. Go work with Donna." He walked off to get a drink and calm himself down. Before he got sick and/or threw a fit. He hated that law firm. Like nothing else in this world he hated that law firm.
Stella patted him on the arm when she saw him. "It'll be okay. We'll send Donna off," she said quietly. He gave her a look. "Danny wanted to tell you."
"Eric sent a picture." He shook his head. "Anything else I should know?"
"Cordelia said Angel was fixated on him being his next childe."
"Interesting. But I doubt it could happen."
"Yes, but think about the mental agony he's going through," she teased. He did crack a smile at that. "Can I just be blunt this time?"
"Please," he sighed, shaking his head. "I'm not sure how they're not."
She walked over to where Eric was working and Donna was watching him looking confused. "What's wrong?"
"He's doing something with the tire tread."
"That's his thing. He's great at it," she agreed, walking her off. "Donna, I don't want to butt in or anything, but I can see hair I should not be able to see. Ever. You've already dropped hair on the body from that area when you walked over him, which is a violation of protocol. So, you're going to go change clothes into something more appropriate or I'm going to have to tell your supervisor that you're dropping biologicals on scenes again." She sneered at Stella. "I don't care if you don't like it. You're not a trainee anymore. Last time I was mild and reproachful. This time I'm going to be blunt. You should braid the hair, Donna. We can all see it and most of us have mental images of you we do not want." She stomped off. "When you put on more appropriate clothes you can come back," she called after her. She went back to the scene. "Watch out for her dropped hairs, Eric," she sighed. "I've found three so far."
"I think I found another one," he admitted, handing over the envelope.
Mac coughed. "I thought you meant at Xander, Stella."
"Nope, not his fault they want him that way. I can't fix Xander's hormones but I can sure as hell fix us needing to weed her out of the suspect list." She got back to work, being her usual professional self.
Don pulled up and got out, slamming his car door. "Guys, did you not get a homicide detective?"
"No," Mac called. "We had one, he took off to get sick." He looked at him. "You can sub if you want."
"Sure." He came over to help where he could. "What do we know so far?"
"That a Boxter ran him over," Eric offered. "Tire tread and wheel base say so. That we have DNA we shouldn't on him," he offered, plucking off another hair and handing it over to Stella, who groaned and put it away. "If she's not careful she's going to end up a suspect."
"We find many more and I'm going to think of her like one," Stella agreed. "That's five hairs now." She and Mac shared a look. Maybe she had done it. One or two could be shedding. Five though?
***
Xander walked into the club he liked best later that night, smiling at the bouncers, getting one back from one. "Hi, guys."
"Back again, Mr. Harris?"
"Yeah." He wiggled his way onto the floor and got down to it. He had been going all day but what did he care! It was fun! He was free! He was young! He was pretty! One of the rappers gave him odd looks and he grinned. "Sorry, having a day off," he called, going to dance with a different woman than his. He didn't need the stress.
"What you drive?" he called.
Xander looked at him. "Classic corvette. I gave up the SUV when it got blown up." He looked impressed at that. "I don't go for flash outwardly. I'm impressive enough."
"You should have bling if you're among the elite," he sneered.
Xander pulled his hair back while he shrugged. "I don't need it. I sparkle more than enough."
"You an actor or somethin'?"
"No. Concubine kitty," he said with a smirk. "Pampered pet and things." They laughed at that. "I am."
"Your boy treats you good since you're wearing designer threads. He can't let you drive a better car?"
"I like my car!" He pouted and they understood the nature of being a concubine kitty.
"Yo, you should be with someone who'll do more than dress you, man. You should have bling and a better ride."
Xander grinned. "I thought about it but I don't want to be too pushy. Then again, I've got about ten mil in gems in the bank." They looked impressed at that. "Just loose stuff though." That got a moan. He grinned and moved closer. "I need a new hobby."
"Get some ice, boy. Dress to impress the snobs here in the city of lights." He patted him on the back and walked off, going back to his girlfriend.
Xander went back to his dancing, considering it. He could do that... Maybe. Danny might mind though. He called Danny, babbling over the loud music. "Danny, can I have some bling and a pimp car?"
***
Danny looked at the speaker in front of him. "We'll see when you get home and I wear your ass out, Xander. Come home. Please?"
"Did Greggy get his bag of stuff?"
"He's still pulling stuff out to catalog," he admitted dryly. "Come home?"
"But I'm having *fun*!"
"You can have fun tomorrow night. I've got the next day off and we can close down some clubs. Tonight I want you safe and under me."
Xander was laughing and happy, he could hear it. "But I wanna be on top tonight, baby."
"Then be on top tonight but ta do that you still gotta be here, Xander."
"In a few hours." He hung up.
Danny leaned back, scrubbing at his face. He looked over as Don brought him some soda and himself a sundae, nodding at him. "Xander wants bling."
"He's got how many stones in the bank and the vaults?"
"Point." He took a drink. "He said he'd be home in a few hours. He's having fun. He wants to be on top tonight."
"Go for it. I've got to be in at seven in the morning due to court." He ate a bite of his ice cream, feeding Danny one when he opened his mouth. That got a smile and a kiss. "At least that would use some of his jewelry."
"He'd have to remake some of the stuff he's been given, Don."
"True." He ate another bite and thought about it. "I can't see him in rap star bling anyway. He's more than tough enough but that's not who Xander is."
"True." He opened his mouth and Don teased him, making him poke him in the side and steal the bite of ice cream and butterscotch. "Thanks." He got up and went to get ready for the happy, bouncy Xander who'd be coming home. Xander came home about an hour after Don came to bed and pounced him, making him groan. "Easy on the body, Xander," he protested, but kissed him and let him do whatever else he wanted.
Xander pulled back with a grin. "I pounced you."
"You did and I enjoyed all but the chest pain." He stroked his hands down Xander's side, tickling him, making him shriek. Don grunted in displeasure so he quieted Xander down and had him, even letting him on top this time.
***
Xander poked Danny when he came home the next night. "Come pick out clothes?" he asked, looking pitiful.
"I did say we could go out. Can we eat first or did you wanna go out tonight?" Xander squealed and hugged him. "That's fine, baby. Let me shower and change." He smiled and walked into the bedroom, going to shower and coming out to find Xander laying out some very nice pants and a silk shirt for each of them. "We're gonna get hot," he warned.
Xander kissed him. "That's okay. I like you sweaty." He bounced to go shower and came out with his hair down but dry. "Didn't want to wait to dry it." He wiggled into his pants and tank top under his silk shirt. He even came over to help Danny button his, getting a kiss and a grin. "I know, but we haven't been out in a while."
"I'm sorry, Xander. Remind us, okay?" Xander stared at him and nodded, looking very serious. "Good boy. Now, where did you want to have dinner?"
"I didn't make plans."
"Then we'll see what's got an opening. Got a good spot in mind?" Xander leaned closer and whispered, making him moan. "A bit above my salary."
"I'll get dinner and you get the cover?"
"That'll work," he assured him. "But next time it's my treat, got it?"
"Okay." He slid into his shoes and let Danny put on his, then they headed out together. Xander paused to kiss Don so hard he had to grab onto the counter. "When's your next day off?"
"Um, Sunday." He grinned. "We'll see what we can get into Saturday night, Xander." Xander beamed and walked his date of the evening out. Don smiled. "We need to take the boy out more often."
Xander got in to drive, taking Danny to where he wanted to eat, with a stop through the ATM on the way. "I forgot to hit the safe."
"That's all right, you've got plenty the last time I knew." He stroked Xander's arm, making him smile at him. "So, you said you wanted bling. You didn't come up with any ideas?"
"I figured I'd look silly in some of the rapper's bling."
"I can agree with that," he said. "What about the other stuff?"
"He suggested I get a backup ride."
"Uh-huh," Danny said slowly. "You were thinking what?"
"Escalade?" he said hesitantly.
"Well, it's a safe tank," he said dryly.
Xander changed directions and pulled past a club. "I want one of those," he said, pointing.
Danny shifted to look at the stretch Escalade, then at Xander. "Let's go eat."
"Is that a no?"
"That's an I'm thinking of a reasonable argument for when we talk about it." Xander nodded but sighed and pulled back toward the restaurant of choice. That one was full but the next choice wasn't and it was a great seafood place. Xander ordered something soothing and Danny got something more exciting and they split it. Danny ate a few bites then put down his fork so he could take a drink. "Okay, I'm going to put it this way. You don't need a stretch Escalade. I wouldn't mind another SUV in the family, though it'd probably sit in the garage most of the time and we'd have to renovate the garage so it'd fit, but I don't think you need something that massive."
"But something smaller?"
"I can see something a bit smaller and possibly a bit more practical," he agreed, making Xander grin and steal a bite of his dinner. "Eat." Xander dug in and stole more of Danny's food, letting him have more of his pasta and seafood casserole. "So this weekend we'll look at the other cars. What about the corvette?"
"It's my baby." He gave him a look. "Would you mind if I went for bracelets?"
"Bracelets would be fine," he agreed. "Maybe a subtle necklace. Nothing like rapper's bling. Something nice is okay though. What about an earring?"
"I asked Aiden's opinion and she said I'd look more like a girl. That I should pierce both of them and get it done."
Danny snorted and shook his head. "Not even. I was thinking one nice stud."
"I can see that," he agreed, perking up some more. "Maybe more stuff for my hair?"
"I like the jeweled hair bands you wear to close off your braids." Xander smiled at that. "The same as I don't particularly like the pins you use now and then because they stab me in the middle of the night but I can see other hair accessories being more bling-like," he agreed. Xander let out a small squeal and leaned over the table to hug him, letting him kiss him on the cheek. "Eat. Or else we can't go out tonight." Xander settled down to eat. "But, in return, you have to use some of the stuff you've got in the safes and the safety deposit box."
"Okay. I can agree to that."
"You can't spend more than a million total." Xander blushed. "What?"
"Um, the house taxes are really expensive," he sighed, looking at him.
"Define expensive?" Xander handed over the slip from the ATM making him choke. "Excuse me?"
"I had to pay the IRS and the house taxes yesterday. Even Steve winced at both those. That's the main account we use for most things. The others weren't touched but that one's seriously depleted."
"What about the IRS stuff?"
"I'm not sure if they'll do anything other than send it back. If so, Steve said to keep any paperwork and copies of the checks. That way they can't get me for fines and things." He shrugged and ate another bite. "It's why my stomach's so upset."
"How much were your taxes?"
"Um, the greater majority of that. The house taxes were about two hundred thousand." Danny gaped in horror. Xander nodded. "The IRS payment was the rest."
"How much had been in there?"
"The greater majority of five?" he said quietly.
Danny sighed and nodded. "Okay. Did Steve say anything about switching it around from other accounts?"
"No, but he said if I had any other poker money laying around I should probably deposit it in that one."
"Let's move your poker account into the main one."
"He said I shouldn't."
"I didn't."
"You two can talk about that. That strange financial language will give me more headaches." He ate another bite. "Should I sell some of the stuff in the closets and the vaults?" he asked quietly.
"I don't know, Xander. We'll talk about that tomorrow, all right?" Xander nodded and ate another bite. "Good boy." He stroked his hand. "Was that for one year of taxes?"
"Yup."
"Damn."
Xander looked at him. "They said the new trees raised it." Danny rolled his eyes. "So we're working on it."
"Thank you for letting us know. That's outrageous."
"But I like the house."
"So do I, but that's still outrageous. How do the other cops afford it?"
"Oh. There's something we didn't know. Um, did you know our lands extend back past the back neighbor's house?" Danny slowly shook his head. "Apparently according to them. So they're pulling the deeds out to check on that for me since I said I didn't think it went back that far. If so, we have more than enough room to put on an extension to the garage."
"Good," he said dryly, shaking his head quickly. "Eat." Xander dug in again. "Did we mail it to the IRS or give it to them?"
"Handed it over."
"So it'll be a quick turnaround to see how bad this is?" Xander nodded. "Good." He smiled again. "We should set that money aside, just in case."
"I'm still working on a way around that with Miss Gold at the bank. Even she winced at the land taxes."
"I'm not surprised. If they find out the estimate was wrong, can they put it toward next year's?"
"Yup. I asked and they said they could do that instead of giving us a refund." He finished his dinner and stole one of Danny's scallops with an impish grin. Danny smirked back and finished eating. "I try very hard to be a good boy."
"I know." He stroked his hand. "Maybe we can do it with an ID from a tax haven country."
"Maybe," he agreed, stroking his hand. "We might have to buy land there or something."
"We can do that." Xander nodded and grinned. "Good boy." He finished up and the waiter came back to check on dessert. "Xander?"
"I had chocolate for lunch."
"Then we're fine. Check?" It was brought and he glanced at it. "That's not as bad as I thought." Xander took it and looked at it then put down money for that and the tip, waving at the waiter when he looked over. They finished their drinks and left, making the waiter smile at the twenty dollar tip he got. Danny looked at Xander, who was staring at his car. "Can I drive?" The keys were handed over with a shy smile. "Where are we headed tonight?"
"The usual place?"
"If you want. Or we can go the place where Eric showed us." Xander let out a small purr at that so he headed that way, parking very carefully. He'd never get to even ride in the corvette again if he dinged it. They got out and Danny did get the cover, taking Xander inside to dance with him. It was a mixed gay/straight club so no one cared that he was dancing with Xander. Or that he was close enough to make him get off now and then. Or that Xander was moaning against his neck through a few songs since they were rubbing against each other. It was a great night. They came out and Xander smiled at a few guys who were driving up the street, waving at one. One of them paused where they were walking.
"You weren't joking?" he teased, leaning out the window.
"No, I'm his concubine kitty," he teased back, hugging Danny's arm. "He's my keeper." That got a smirk. "What's the next best step down from a stretch Escalade? He said we didn't need that much room."
"It's not about need, it's about the flash," he reminded him dryly. Xander pointed at his car and got a whistle. "Pretty. Not hot but pretty and classic. Go to the place on the beach. Near the volleyball tournaments." He smirked at Danny. "You're damn lucky."
"I know. Xander's very unique." He grinned back. "Thanks."
"Welcome. We like him. He takes the others out of my view." They headed off.
Danny looked at him. "I know what place he was talking about. We'll go look soon." Xander nodded and got them into the car, letting Danny drive them around for a bit. "When did you meet him?"
"We club at the same place. His girlfriend likes to dance with me now and then so he growls at her and steals her." He grinned slyly. "Then again they saw me and Ryan one time and decided it was fine. I was a nice gay guy who was a safe guy to be around."
"That's fine. I like watching you and Ryan dance together. You tease him more." He stroked up Xander's thigh, heading off to ride up to where you could overlook part of the city. Xander moaned when they parked. "Making out would be much easier in an SUV."
"We'll see what I can get," he promised. He took another kiss then leaned down to play with Danny's cock. "There's my present."
"All you want of him," Danny promised, stroking over the unbound hair. He moaned when Xander freed him and started to work on him. Someone tapped on the window and he looked at the officer, digging out his ID to show it. That got an eye roll so he rolled down the window. "Sorry, we were clubbing."
"I know who you are, CSI Messer. This isn't the place for that."
Xander lifted his head. "Then I'd wake up Don by pouncing him and make him cranky. Then Frank would have to hide and Horatio would get upset at Don being cranky. This way saves you guys having to deal with a cranky Don too. Because a cranky Don would mean I'd have to come to the station to blow him."
The officer shook his head and walked off. "Head home soon, sirs."
"Yes, officer," they chimed in.
Xander went back down and Danny tipped the back of the seat back so Xander could have more room. He loved Xander's skills.
***
Horatio walked up to Danny the next morning, giving him a long look before he took off his sunglasses. "I didn't think Don got that cranky."
"That was Xander, boss," he said, holding up a hand. "He said it before I could stop him. But yes, he is." He walked past him. "Won't happen again," he called as he walked off.
"It had better not," he agreed. He looked at Don as he drove in, giving him a look. "Have you talked to Xander yet this morning?"
"No, why?" he asked cautiously.
"It seems he and Danny were caught out on Overlook Point last night," he said calmly. Don moaned and shook his head. "Xander apparently explained it away as they didn't want to wake you and make you cranky. That way Frank wouldn't have to hide and I wouldn't have to get upset when you made Frank hide. Plus no one else would have to deal with you being cranky."
"I got my morning cuddles, I'm not gonna be that cranky," he complained. "Messer!" he yelled as he walked into the lab. Danny came out of the locker room. "He said what?"
"That you'd be cranky if we woke you up."
"Not that cranky!"
"Got your morning cuddles so it's all good?" Eric teased.
Don punched him on the arm. "Yes, but not the point. Xander told the officer last night that I'd be cranky if they woke me up."
"You would be," Eric agreed, walking off rubbing his arm. "You still are."
"I was in a good mood until about five minutes ago."
"Xander said it," Danny promised. "By the way, we're taking him SUV looking."
"Why?" Don demanded.
"Because one of the guys at the club told him how to look more hip. Did you hear about the IRS payment and the land taxes?" Don shuddered. "Steve?"
"Yeah." He walked closer. "What does he want?"
"We talked about the bling issue. He'll stick with subtle stuff. Hair stuff like the band clips. Maybe a bracelet now and then." That got a small smile. "Maybe an earring."
"I'm not thrilled with that idea," he admitted.
"He might not be either since it'll wrap his hair around it. He also wanted a stretch Escalade." Don moaned. "I talked him out of that one but we're taking him down to the place by the beach. Did Steve tell you how much the payment to the IRS was?" Don moaned and nodded. "Think he claimed everything?"
"I'd hope so." He walked into the locker room to calm down and fight out of the hallway since Horatio was coming in. "What are we doing about him?"
Ryan cleared his throat from behind his locker door. "First of all, you get him to wait until the IRS sends it back. Then you make sure he's got an ID from where his funds are. That'll solve all the other problems. Then you spoil the boy horribly." He closed the door so he could look at them. "Get him something pretty, guys. Or help him pick them out." He walked past them.
"He's a smart guy for not dating that often," Danny quipped. He looked at Don again. "So, we'll need ta add onto the garage probably."
"I can handle that." He shrugged and got into his locker, checking his tie. "Does this go?"
"No. Never has." Don sighed and took off the tie and changed it to another one. This one Xander had picked out. "Better but not perfect." He blew a kiss and headed out to get to work. Frank gave him an odd look. "Xander, Frank. Xander."
"Where is your boy?"
"Sleeping it off," he said proudly. "Wore him out for breakfast. Ate in the car instead." He looked at Horatio. "Boss, anything or am I working my last case?"
"Go work your last case until something new comes in," he ordered patiently. Danny went that way. "Try to keep Xander from starting such rumors."
"Last week he told someone he had a unicorn at the farm," Danny called. "A few believed him."
"He does," Ryan called.
"Excuse me?" Frank called.
Ryan came out of DNA to look at them. "He does." He shrugged. "He's giving it shelter until it can get home. It likes the male foal and my mares." He walked off with his report.
Frank glared at Don when he came out. "Your boy has a what?"
"Unicorn foal. He's a cute little guy but Princess nudges him because he's got an ego problem."
"Is he white?"
"Pale gray." He shrugged and grinned. "Can't pet him. None of us can. The mares like him though." He walked off, going back to his desk.
Frank and Horatio shared a look, then Horatio shook his head and walked off, going to call Xander.
***
Xander brought in lunch and smiled at the shocked looking guards. "What?"
"Flack's not cranky."
"He will be if he can't have lunch." They signed him in and let him onto the elevator. "Thanks, guys." He beamed and headed up to drop off food. "Hi, Frank." He blew a kiss and handed him a large bag. Then he moved to the other desks, dropping food off for each of them. Then he went to the lab and found Calleigh grumbling. He looked in the box then at her. "You can have yours or Ryan's. His is sweeter and nutty."
"What's mine?"
"Fish."
"I like fish." She took her box and walked off. "Xander's got lunch," she called. People came out to get their things. Xander ended up with only a few things. Horatio's and Ryan's boxes, plus one for Valera, who was apparently not in today. He went to put their things in Horatio's office. Along with the picture inside Horatio's box since he had been concerned about the unicorn colt. He even left the box there in case they needed it for something. Then he went back to his car and headed home to do some more car looking online. The place suggested had a catalog online and he was making notes and waiting on the daily mail. When it came he had to smile. He had a postcard from Ray Junior and it made his week.
***
A man got off the plane and looked around the airport, smiling at the pretty people around him. "This is nice," he said with a New York accent. "I can see why he moved." He grabbed his bags and headed out to get a ride. He had contacts that could help him down here. Because his prey would not get away this time.
TBC...